Comedian at Open Mic Shocked He Can't Get Applause For Just Going on Stage and Listing Slurs

5/26/2022 by Andrew K.

SYRACUSE, NY—Comedian, Mike S, sighed and wiped the sweat off his brow. He made eye contact with the bartender and gave her a knowing nod. She responds by furling up her brow and frowning.

Mike sighed again and walked over to the bar, ordering a beer. The bartender hands him a glass, “$4.50”, she says.

“$4.50? I thought the talent drinks for free!” Mike was taken aback.

“Talent? This is an open mic. I don’t even know who you are,” the bartender shot back.

Mike shook his head and quoted the great Rodney Dangerfield, “No respect at all”. Mike passed the bartender his credit card. Mike sighed for a third time, and looked around the room for attention. “Wow. What an awful room tonight,” Mike told me loudly enough for the other people around to hear. “Have these guys ever heard a lick of comedy before?” Mike was almost yelling in order to be heard over the sound of arcade machines beeping, and colorful balls smacking into bowling pins. 

“Haven’t you idiots seen the greats! George Carlin’s, ‘7 Dirty Words’, Andrew Dice Clay’s ‘Nursery Rhymes’!” Mike was actually yelling now. “Am I going crazy here!” Mike screamed while standing atop a Pac-Man-themed bar stool; his face was red and sweaty. Bits of spit were flying from his mouth. 

“That’s it!” a man in a blue polo yelled. “Mike, I told you this before. I don’t care if this show is for adults. You can’t walk in here and swear and yell at everyone you see. This is the last time you’ll ever set foot in this Dave and Buster’s!” The man, manager Riley F, ripped a blue card from Mike’s hand and cut it in half.

“No! My Power Up card!” Mike screamed in anguish. The bar back, put down his towel, and walked up behind Mike, letting him know it was time to go.

On the verge of tears. Mike limped out of the fine establishment and headed towards Wetzel’s Pretzels. After all, how could he cuss out a crowd at Chili’s without some well-deserved fuel?