Culture Wars
1/6/2023 by Erwin Feinberg
Silver Lining! Andrew Tate Happy That There Are No Women in Jail
It’s been a very difficult past two weeks for fans of the internet’s number one Bugatti driver, Andrew Tate. Last week, Tate posted the absolute most...
12/25/2022 by Brandon Puff
What To Say When Your Children Ask Why Santa Clause Did Nothing To Prevent 9/11
The holidays are always a strange time for people. Sure, there is joy and cheer and all those fuzzy feelings we love to experience but then the sadne...
12/24/2022 by Brandon Puff
Want To Make Your Christmas A Little More Fun This Year? Try Leaving Some Cocaine Out For Tim Allen On Christmas Eve
Christmas time is almost here which means stuffed stockings and lit fireplaces. But what are we supposed to do if Christmas has become routine? Wha...
12/22/2022 by Elyza Halpern
Innovative Cultural Critic Concludes that Die Hard is a Christmas Movie
Redditor and self-proclaimed “evolved intellectual film analyst” u/moviepimpboss8008S, (also known as “USER BLOCKED” in the comments section of any D...
12/22/2022 by Brandon Puff
New Study Shows Nearly Sixty Three Percent Of All American Children Now Asking Santa To Bring Them Bulletproof Vests
A new independent study from The Santa Believers Of America (SBA) has determined that nearly sixty-three percent of all children in America are now a...
12/2/2022 by Caleb Townsend
“My Spotify Listening Habits Are None Of Your Business” Says Loser Who Has Awful Taste In Music
Area Man Roger Sprague is standing up against the social pressures of Spotify Wrapped and proudly declaring that "my Spotify listening habits ar...
12/1/2022 by Fred Nelson
Trump Downplays Dinner With Fuentes and Kanye: “We Didn’t Even Get To Have Dessert”
11/29/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
I'd Like to Dedicate My Outrage Regarding Your Return Policy to the Memory of My Father
My dad never taught me how to throw a curveball, drive a stick shift, or speak Pig Latin. Any knowledge I gleaned from him came through observation. ...
11/15/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Making Amends: Kanye Just Watched Don’t Mess with The Zohan
10/31/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
Halloween Costume? Don’t Need One, I’m Already Dressed as the Devil’s Advocate
Good luck rummaging through the dregs of that old Super K-Mart turned Spirit Halloween mega-store. While you’re busy sifting through sultry swashbuck...
10/26/2022 by Caleb Townsend
We Ranked The Halloween Candies Based On How Likely They Are To Feminize Your Son
It's Halloween, and you know what that means: all across the country, young boys are going to be consuming candy that will heighten their estroge...
10/24/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Opinion: It’s Not a Racist Costume, This Is Just How I Dress
I know what you're going to say: "my culture is not your costume." Well guess what, this isn't a costume, and I'm tired of you ...
10/19/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Nation Sighs In Relief As Kanye Lowers Threat Level Against Jews To “Deathcon 4”
10/13/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Stoners Beware: Kids Are Putting Candy In Your Drugs
Stoners are up in arms as reports come in that kids are putting candy in their weed this Halloween. "Is nothing sacred," asked one stoner...
9/19/2022 by Brandon Puff
Does Torture Work? This Torture Expert We Talked To Really Hopes So
An important question is rising to the surface once again. All over the country, men, women, and children are wondering if torture actually works. Wh...
9/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
San Francisco To Begin New Program Aimed At Hiding All The Homeless Behind Really Big Bushes
Unprecedented problems require unprecedented solutions and the local government of San Francisco is taking the bold step of installing giant bushes t...
9/5/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Labor Day Gone Woke? Democrats Are Trying to Make It About ‘Celebrating the Working Class'
Well, guys, it’s happened again; the woke mob has desecrated another sacred American tradition with their Marxist ideological poisoning. I am of cour...
9/2/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Alex Jones Gives Grave Message: “This Country Is Doomed Unless Everyone Buys My New Book”
8/31/2022 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: Skipping Your Child Support Payments Is The New Punk Rock
With all these kids today claiming to be into punk music, I think it's really important we realize what truly defines punk not just as a genre, b...
8/23/2022 by Caleb Townsend
HBO Max Revels 5-Year-Plan To Completely Erase Their Entire Library
HBO Max has announced a five-year plan to completely erase their entire library forever. The news comes in the wake of a new merger, under the umbrel...
8/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Five Of The Hottest Speakeasy Abortion Clinics Coming To A Neighborhood Near You
With recent changes in abortion laws, entrepreneurs all across America are working hard to keep access to safe abortions cool and trendy. There's...
8/12/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Poll: 100% Of CEOs Agree That The Best Work Culture Strategy Is A Culture Of Fear
A recent poll of 16 CEOs from well-known companies shows that a "culture of fear" is agreed to be the best workplace culture strategy. The ...
8/10/2022 by Caleb Townsend , Fred Nelson
Trump Supporters Burn Their Female Body Inspector T-Shirts In Protest
A group of Trump supporters are taking to the streets to protest the FBI raid of former president Trump by burning their Female Body Inspector shirts...
8/5/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Alex Jones Ordered By Judges To Stop Pitching Alpha Brain Plus During His Testimony
Judges have ordered Alex Jones to stop promoting his brain supplement, Alpha Brain Plus, while giving his testimony in a defamation trial that may je...
8/1/2022 by Fred Nelson , Caleb Townsend
Top Five Cutest Child Stars Of The 90s And The Horrific Ways Each Of Them Died
Ahh, the 90s, the age of economic prosperity and oak-covered kitchens. What a time to grow up. We could look on the TV and see childeren, just like u...
7/25/2022 by Ken Taro Ward
Male Employee Orders Female Employee to Clean Glass Ceiling
NEW YORK – A man working at an advertising agency got a little more than he bargained for after attempting to make a joke at a female coworker’s expe...
7/22/2022 by Brandon Puff
CEOs Everywhere Demand Workers Return To The Office Because They Are Extremely Lonely Without Them
CEOs all across the country have begun demanding their employees return to the office so they aren’t so lonely all day long. While remote work has be...
7/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
I’ve Got A Safe Space Alright, It’s At The Bottom Of This Whiskey Bottle
All I ever hear about nowadays is how these sensitive ass kids need a safe space at their colleges and workplaces. Well listen up you little spaghett...
7/1/2022 by Brandon Puff
How Going To A Punk Concert In My Late Thirties Taught Me To Hate My Lame Ass Parents
As you get older, you start looking back on your life and wondering what you could have done differently with the time you were given. When I was you...
6/30/2022 by Fred Nelson
Guy Who Disagrees With You Obviously Hasn't Seen That One South Park Episode
It's happening again. You're in line at the Starbucks and somehow basic small talk with a stranger has, yet again, drifted towards who should...
6/20/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Oh God, I Forgot To Call Dad Yesterday For Juneteenth
Oh God, he's gonna be so mad. I promised him I wouldn't miss it this year, but once again, I forgot to call my dad on Juneteenth. "What,...
6/17/2022 by Caleb Townsend
National Parks Display Rainbow after Thunderstorm In Shameless Pride Month Promotion
California, Yosemite -- Big National is at it again. This weekend I was at Yosemite National Park trying to enjoy a weekend with my family. We were...
5/30/2022 by Fred Nelson
"Respect Our Fallen Heroes," Says Man Who Thought Today Was Labor Day Until 20 Minutes Ago
5/27/2022 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: The Only Thing That Can Stop A Bad Guy With A Gun Is A Good Guy With A Gun Sheepishly Standing Outside
After 27 school shootings in 2022, alone, many Americans believe that we, as a society need to make some sort of major change to prevent this from ha...
5/21/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Elon Musk Cleared Of Sexual Misconduct Allegations After Presenting A Written Statement With Laugh Emojis
5/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
Real-Life Good Will Hunting? This University Janitor Gets Into Bar Fights Almost Every Night
A Boston-based janitor is making headlines for his uncanny similarities to the fictional character, Will Hunting, specifically the character’s tenden...
5/4/2022 by Dave Ruff
What’s The Big Deal With The Roe V Wade Vote? Says Man That Will Never EVER Get A Woman Pregnant
Ted Shar, aka LordFeathertone42069, is a 37-year-old white male currently living alone in an apartment eclectically decorated with damp towels and ke...
5/2/2022 by Caleb Townsend
EXCLUSIVE: Guy Who Skimmed One Article Reveals “Everything He Knows” About The Depp Trials
Major revelations in the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial come in the form of testimony from one significant individual who’s cracked the case by skimmi...
4/27/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Elon Musk Buys Twitter, Vowing to Rule it Like a South African Emerald Mine
Well, my fellow free-speech defenders, it finally happened. Twitter has proven to be no match for billionaire and defender of the rights of every man...
4/13/2022 by Brandon Puff
Hey Sherlock! Here's A Deduction! You're A Nerd Who Doesn't Get Laid
Well, what do we have here? Looks like it's a big nerd with a big brain snooping about for information. There sure is lots to deduce isn’t there?...
4/8/2022 by Brandon Puff
LAPD’s New Training Video Just VHS Copy Of Lethal Weapon 2
An internal investigation into the new training practices of the Los Angeles Police Department has revealed their instructional video is nothing but ...
4/2/2022 by Fred Nelson
HYPOCRITE: This Vegetarian Is Literally Made Of Meat
3/31/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Who Is Ketanji Brown Jackson? What’s Her Deal? Does She Like Beer?
Conservatives are spending yet another day in court asking Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson questions to try to figure out who she i...
3/23/2022 by Justin Avery Smith
Language Barrier Forms After Son Begins Quoting Drag Race to His Father
Local teenager, Roy Johnson got into a very public altercation with his father, Frank Johnson this weekend, when the conversation during family dinne...
3/22/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Netflix Tests New Feature That Will Raise Prices When You Have A Friend Over To Watch With You
Netflix will begin running tests this week to crack down on subscribers who are sharing their accounts, extending the definition of "sharing&quo...
3/18/2022 by Fred Nelson
Phew! This Guy Made Sure To Let Us Know He’s Not Racist
BURBANK, CA – After a heated debate about police reform, leasing manager, Greg Taylor felt the need to clear the air by informing his friend, as well...
3/17/2022 by Fred Nelson
War On Saint Patrick’s Day? This Cop Gave Me A DUI On My Way To Work
3/9/2022 by Caleb Townsend
17 Movies That Will Make You Say ‘There’s No Way I’m Reading This Entire Article’
Due to misuse of company funds, ManFacts has fired their writing entire staff. We now bring you an article from a person we found on Fivver hired to...
3/8/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
PornHub Bans Critical Race Theory From Schoolgirl Category
SILICONE VALLEY – Online pornography purveyor PornHub has made clear its position on Critical Race Theory, banning the curriculum entirely from their...
3/5/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Helpful Boyfriend Informs Girlfriend That Batman Is Bruce Wayne
3/4/2022 by Dave Ruff
GOP Unsure Who To Root For In Ukraine-Russian War Since Both Countries Are White
Conservatives all across the world are having trouble figuring out who to root for in the Ukrainian-Russian war. The news comes on the heels of CPAC,...
3/3/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Man Bravely Stands With US Sanctions, Takes Martini With Gin Instead Of Vodka
Following a series of sanctions targeting Russia’s economic sector, local man Justin is doing his part to condemn Putin’s invasion of Ukraine by drin...
2/28/2022 by Brandon Puff
Old Timey Cartoon With Racist Jokes Includes Disclaimer Explaining People Were “Cooler” Back Then
Delber & Dobbler Productions, a long forgotten cartoon company, has begun converting all their old cartoon film reels into digital format for vie...
2/26/2022 by Dave Ruff
OPINION: Stop What You’re Doing, Elon, And Give Us Yu-Gi-Oh Holograms!
The Yu-Gi-Oh franchise recently burst back into relevance with its latest release, Master Duels. A free-to-play online version of its famous trading ...
2/24/2022 by Brandon Puff
Parents Terrified To Learn Daniel Day-Lewis Has Been Cast As A Pedophile In Upcoming Film
Parents across the country are terrified to learn that the notorious method actor Daniel Day-Lewis has been cast to play a pedophile in an upcoming f...
2/18/2022 by Ken Taro Ward
Conservative Dad Has No Problem Acknowledging Pronouns of Boats and Cars
Clearfield, Va. – Todd Evans couldn’t wait to show his family the boat “Fancy Nancy” he bought with his tax refund, a Craigslist boat seller confirme...
2/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Queen Elizabeth Cuts Prince Andrew Off From Royal Adrenochrome Supply As Punishment For Recent Embarrassments
Reports are coming in that Queen Elizabeth has cut Prince Andrew off from the Royal adrenochrome supply to punish him for his recent embarrassments. ...
2/11/2022 by Brandon Puff
Man Arrested At Border Attempting To Smuggle In His Lame Personality
Bruce Brannon, 25, was arrested at the American and Canadian border for attempting to smuggle his lame personality into the United States. Brannon, a...
2/11/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Man Bravely Continues Arguing After Learning That George Orwell Didn’t Write Idiocracy
BALTIMORE, MD- After learning that George Orwell didn’t write Idiocracy, a local man, David Pavlina, is courageously plunging forward with his argu...
2/6/2022 by Fred Nelson
Michael Richards Pulls Podcast From Spotify
2/5/2022 by Editorial Staff
I’m the Spotify Executive That Has No Idea What’s Happening, Could Someone Please Bring Me Up to Speed?
What I’ve gathered thus far is that Joe Rogan has something to do with it, and Neil Young or Neil Page is involved. And while everyone in the office ...
2/3/2022 by Fred Nelson
‘People Who Get Their Opinions From Joe Rogan Are Stupid,’ Says Man Who Gets His Opinions From Even Dumber Podcast
1/27/2022 by Scott Pinkerton
Woke Mob Gone Too Far? My Ancient Greek Reenactment Group Cancelled Me For Throwing A Baby Off A Cliff
The day started off perfectly. Our ancient Greek history re-enactment group began preparations for the Battle of Thermopylae event, the famous clash ...
1/26/2022 by Brandon Puff
Uh Oh! Sesame Street Just Gave Kids The Talk About How To Topple The Government By Any Means Necessary
Be alert parents, the beloved childhood show just did an episode explaining to kids how they can topple their oppressive governments through any mean...
1/24/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Virgins and Chads: The 12 Disciples Ranked By How Based They Are
Fuck it, we’re ranking the disciples. You know them. You love them. They’re grown men who followed around Jesus as his groupies and most of them died...
1/14/2022 by Caleb Townsend
‘I Refuse To Watch SNL Anymore,’ Says Man Who’s Never Seen SNL
ESSEX, MD – A local Essex man, Bill Holland, is declaring that he refuses to watch SNL anymore following an episode in which the cast mocks republi...
1/13/2022 by Brandon Puff
How To Talk To Your Child About The Global Pedophilic Cabal
With the recent trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, elite pedophilic cabals have been all the rage throughout the media cycle, and your children may have que...
1/5/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Hypocrisy? NYC Took Down a Statue of Jefferson But Won’t Rename Kony Island?
Fellow patriots, as we all know, liberals are complete hypocrites who believe in nothing. All they want to do is topple our gods and replace them wit...
1/3/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Conservative Man Anxiously Counting Days Until Next Culture War Holiday
Front Royal, VA (ManFacts) -- Noting that he's not sure what to talk about with his family, local conservative Craig Miller told reporters he&#...
12/29/2021 by Caleb Townsend
A Look At Kyle Rittenhouse’s New Sitcom: Ritten In The House
Hollywood, California — America’s newest sweetheart is about to make his first appearance on television screens across the country. Kyle Rittenhous...
12/13/2021 by Editorial Staff
6 Comedies to Show Your Grandkids Where the Pivotal Plot Point Is Men Committing Sex Crimes
You know, comedy is subjective. That’s what you’re going to have to say to your grandkids when you show them the nuts and bolts of comedy. “This TikT...
12/10/2021 by Caleb Townsend
3 New Netflix Comedies That Couldn’t Be Made Today
You know, they couldn’t make Blazing Saddles today! At least, that’s what Sam Elliot told me through a meme. It seems these days, comedies are too af...
12/4/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Comedic Genius!? This Guy Said “Joe Brandon” Instead of Joe Biden!
For years, dumb liberals have been rubbing the fact that there aren’t a lot of funny conservatives in our faces. Sure, we used to throw names like La...
12/3/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
To Understand Hanukkah, Man Watches Entire Adam Sandler Filmography
Fellas, it’s that time of the year again: Jewish Christmas. Now I know that a lot of us guys who didn’t grow up with a Jewish friend or actively had ...
12/1/2021 by Brandon Puff
Man Stoked to Learn There Is an Entire Country Based on ‘The Sopranos’
Local New Jersey Resident Bob Griblo was excited to learn that his favorite television show, The Sopranos , had an entire country based on it. Bob ...
11/30/2021 by Caleb Townsend
3 Other Celebrities Who Went to Their Old High School to Berate the Student Body
Dave Chappelle, famous comedian and recent victim of cancel culture, took a stand for famous people everywhere, and did something most people are too...
11/26/2021 by Caleb Townsend
OPINION: How Come There’s No White Friday?
11/24/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Louis C.K. Enters ‘Being Nominated for a Grammy’ Phase of Cancel Culture
As we all know, Cancel Culture is a bigger existential threat than climate change. It has gotten so bad in our country that last night, when I was im...
11/11/2021 by Matt Hyams
Gender’s a Construct??? So Is Your Mom. Also, What’s a Construct?
Don’t go around telling me gender’s a construct, cause I’ll tell you who’s a construct: your mom, that’s who. Your mom’s a big fat construct, whadda ...
11/10/2021 by Noah Katz
Alec Baldwin Blames Manslaughter Charge on “Cancel Culture”
Director of cinematography Halyna Hutchins, 42, died tragically on Thursday October 24 when a prop gun mistakenly discharged a live round while on se...
11/9/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Conservatives Around the World Demand Big Bird Be Depicted in the January 6 Insurrection
Conservatives around the world are demanding that the official Big Bird Twitter account puts out images of Big Bird at the January 6th insurrection. ...
11/8/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Opinion: Daylight Saving Time? How About We Save Our Kids from Critical Race Theory Instead?!
Brave patriots, I come to you all today because an injustice has been done yet again to the good, hard-working citizens of this country. This is no s...
11/3/2021 by Fred Nelson
Canceled? Nobody Laughed at the Rape Joke I Told in the Break Room Today
Alright, this is it. The Woke Mob has gone too far. After mercilessly slaughtering the likes of Dave Chappelle, Rosanne, Dr. Seuss, Sesame Street, an...
11/1/2021 by Matt Hyams
The Algorithm Clearly Hates Straight, White Men Cause I Know it’s Not My Content
Look, I’m as humble as the next guy but two TikTok views in an hour? Seriously? Come on. What’s going on around here? No need, cause I already know....
10/30/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Man Owns Libs by Dressing up as Wall for 6th Year in a Row
10/28/2021 by Shane O'Connor
Ubisoft Announces New Assassin’s Creed Protagonist Will Be a Cop
MONTREAL, CANADA – Video game studio Ubisoft has announced its latest entry in the Assassin’s Creed series, “Assassin’s Creed: Law and Order”. Player...
10/26/2021 by Caleb Townsend
OPINION: So Alec Baldwin Can Shoot His Coworker, But When I Do it, It’s a Felony?!
Recently, you may have heard the news that Alec Baldwin fatally shot his co-worker on the set of Rust. Ironic that an anti-gun nut, who has spoken ...
10/23/2021 by Caleb Townsend
OPINION: I’m Fine With a Black James Bond but the Woke Mob Better Not Get Near Austin Powers
Yeah Baby!!!! Or rather, “no, baby,” is what I will be saying if they try to make Austin Powers into a black trans woman or frankly anything besides ...
10/22/2021 by Brandon Puff
Jim Davis Finally Speaks On Garfield’s Opinion On The New Chappelle Special
Jim Davis stands atop the world of modern American cartooning as an absolute master of his craft through his comic strip Garfield. Garfield is quite ...
10/18/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Ben Shapiro Can’t Believe You Would Criticize Israel on Jewish Holiday He Just Made Up
Patriots, there comes a time when a man must stand on his principles. When he must draw a line in the sand and say “you fucking crossed the line budd...
10/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“Conservatism Is The New Counterculture!” Says Guy Who Works for Corporation That Gave a Bunch of Kids Cancer
Liberals have long been able to claim that THEY are the ones who “go against the grain,” and who actually are “independent thinkers.” But ever since ...
10/12/2021 by Brandon Puff
OPINION: James Bond Should Be a Woman with Big Fat Juicy Titties and an Incredibly Fat Ass
There’s been a lot of talk lately about the future of the James Bond series. Some people think Bond should be portrayed by a woman, while others say ...
10/11/2021 by Editorial Staff
BREAKING: Christopher Columbus Resigns as Governor of New York in Response to Genocide Allegations
It’s Columbus Day, so you know what that means: the liberal mob is going to ruin the only thing Italian-Americans have to be proud of, except for Fra...
10/9/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Uncle’s Entire Understanding of Trans Issues Comes From Most Recent Dave Chappelle Special
10/8/2021 by Brandon Puff
Case Closed? This Mom Thinks The Zodiac Killer Might Be A Black Kid That Hangs Out Near Her Local Walmart
A local woman and concerned mother has come forward with breathtaking allegations that a black teenager who always hangs out in front of her local Wa...
10/7/2021 by Shane O'Connor
Post Malone Accused of Blackface After New Full Face Tattoo
Los Angeles, California – Rapper Post Malone has gotten himself into some hot water after his latest round of tattoos. Massive chart hits and an inor...
10/5/2021 by Editorial Staff
Opinion: I Can Separate The Art from The Artist, and That’s Why All My Favorite Directors Happen to Be Pedophiles
With all the controversy in Hollywood over the last few years, the question of “can you separate the art from the artist” is more salient now than it...
9/30/2021 by Brandon Puff
OPINION: Having The Faces On Mount Rushmore So Close Together Is Gay
It’s no secret that the arts and architecture are filled with homoerotic propaganda. But nowhere else is it more apparent than in the monument known ...
9/29/2021 by Brian Beuche
Try to Cancel Me, Snowflake (Seriously, I Need the Attention)
You think you can cancel ME, punk? Do ya? You think you can be all woke and use your adorable little keyboard to tweet a bunch of stuff to get me can...
9/28/2021 by Joe Chafetz
Babylon Bee Unfortunately Only Species of Bee Not Endangered
9/24/2021 by Brandon Puff
Local Applebee’s Deemed Monument To Capitol Rioters
An Applebee’s located in Washington DC has become an honorary monument to the bravery of the capitol rioters who attempted to secure freedom from the...
9/21/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Tired of Black Rifle Coffee? Here’s 5 Other Hot Beverage Brands That Are Also Racist
Black Rifle Coffee. Doesn’t it sound badass? If you’re a veteran, or simply someone who likes reciting Dennis Leary’s Coffee Flavored Coffee bit to u...
9/20/2021 by Editorial Staff
Canceled?! I Haven’t Heard Much from Carrot Top Recently
It is now literally impossible to be a famous comedian without the woke mob busting down your door, smashing your collection of commemorative Dukes o...
9/15/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Getting Kicked out of the PTA Meeting and Other Ways I’m Like Rosa Parks
“I had crossed the line. I was free, but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land.” Do you know who ...
9/9/2021 by Fred Nelson , Erwin Feinberg
Theater Kid Moves to Washington, D.C. to Pursue Career as Crisis Actor
Everyone thinks that in order to become a successful actor, you need to move to New York or LA. People who say this don’t know just how much the indu...
9/3/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Complimentary Breadsticks: The Result of Communism or Critical Race Theory?
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You love free breadsticks. Free breadsticks have been a staple of American dynasties like Applebees, Olive Garden, ...
8/23/2021 by Caleb Townsend
6 Muppets That Would Stand up for Freedom and Refuse the Vaccine
Everyone knows that The Muppets are gay-agenda-loving communists who will fall in line with whatever the “media” and “medical consensus” tells them. ...
8/20/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Communism? My Girlfriend Wants to “Share” My Bed!
Okay guys, let me know what YOU’D call this. I’m pretty sure this is Marxism 101, but my girlfriend keeps telling me I’m just “afraid of commitment.”...
8/19/2021 by Brandon Puff
The Founding Fathers Ranked By How Nicely They Treated Their Slaves
If you’ve ever been around nerds who went to college, then I’m sure you’ve witnessed them trying to destroy your heroes. This is most true when a dis...
8/16/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Cancel Culture Gone Crazy: I Got Fired For My Allegiance to the Taliban
Well patriots, Twitter has officially TAKEN OVER my life. You make ONE minor, super insignificant pledge to destroy everything the west has ever stoo...
8/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“School Mask Mandates Are Child Abuse,” Says Man Who Hits His Kids
LEHIGH VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA – Awaiting a much-anticipated decision from the school board regarding masks requirements for students this upcoming fall...
8/9/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
McDonald’s Mascots Ranked by How Likely They Would’ve Stormed The Capitol
1. Grimace The obvious king of everything badass, Grimace would’ve been the first McDonald’s mascot to make it through the window of the capitol a...
8/6/2021 by Caleb Townsend
I Bought a DILDO to Own the…Libs? Or Something? I Lost Track of What’s Happening.
This dildo, this cock, this magnificent veiny penis, is now mine. As Georgia is attempting to enact strict ID policies that have been met with protes...
8/2/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Big Tech Crackdown?! My Computer Stopped Working After I Poured Mountain Dew On It
Alex Jones warned us about this! When he was removed from Facebook, we said nothing. When Parler was removed, we said nothing. Well, now the Big Tech...
8/2/2021 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: If Obama Can Throw a Massive Birthday Party During a Pandemic, How Come Nobody Showed Up to Mine?
First the Dijon mustard, then the tan suit, and now this?! Recently, Barack Obama, the literal antichrist, announced he will be throwing a 60th birth...
7/27/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
How To Back The Blue While Thinking All Capitol Police Officers Are Dirty Liars
Today the lamestream media was at it again, trying to paint what happened on January 5th (or was it 6th? Honestly it was so not a big deal that I can...
7/23/2021 by Editorial Staff
HILARIOUS: Foreign Man Has Foreign Accent
Alright guys, you’re never gonna believe this shit. I swear to god, dude; this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched EVERY Jeff Dunh...
7/9/2021 by Nathan Kamal
Bada-Bing! Tony Soprano Is Back and He’s Still the Good Guy!
Good news, guys! Tony Soprano is back and he’s still the good guy! That’s right, the main man himself, the capo di tutti capo, Anthony “Tony” Soprano...
7/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Scary! Sharia Law and Socialism Somehow Both Right Around the Corner
It’s happening folks. They are coming for you! Who, you may ask? Well, everyone. You see, Sharia Law is just around the corner. And despite being an ...
7/5/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Aging Gracefully: 5 2000’s Sitcoms to Grab Onto For Dear Life
Every once in a while, I worry that my cynicism is just me falling into the same trap that every generation falls into when they age. I think to myse...
7/4/2021 by Fred Nelson
Snowflake Alert: This Soyboy Vietnam Vet Says He Gets “TRIGGERED” by Loud Noises
7/2/2021 by Fred Nelson
Done with Joe Rogan? Here’s 4 Other Muscular Bald Men to Get All Your News From
Ahh, Joe Rogan, the Nostradamus of modern times. For over ten years, the former Fear Factor host has served the general public as an authority in e...
6/25/2021 by Caleb Townsend
New Report From InfoWars: Infowars More Accurate Than Any Other News Source
A new report from InfoWars has confirmed that InfoWars is more accurate than any other news source. The study was conducted by InfoWars staff who ask...
6/24/2021 by Caleb Townsend
How to Dump Your Idiot Girlfriend For Not Liking the Same Cartoons You Like
We’ve all been there. You’re trying to expose your girlfriend to the latest cartoon, so subversive that she couldn’t even comprehend it. You’re the “...
6/22/2021 by KC Shevek
Steven Crowder Shoots Himself 41 Times to Prove Some Bullshit or Something, At Least He’s Dead Now
Steven Crowder has long been known to push the limits of acceptable comedy, from his unflinching willingness to call out “lispy queers” to his brave ...
6/19/2021 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: How Come There’s No Juneteenth for White People?
I’d like to first start off this article by letting you know that I am anti-slavery so, therefore, it is physically impossible for me to be racist. P...
6/17/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Is Nothing Sacred?! 5 All-Female Reboots of Movies You Literally Forgot About
Look, I’m not saying that female characters are bad. I like a good strong female character. For example, Ripley from Alien, or that lady that killed ...
6/11/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
How to Stay in the Closet This Pride Month: A Man’s Guide to Repression
Once again, it is June, and unlike last year, the gay communists are out, in full force, celebrating their gay communism in our streets loudly and pr...
6/9/2021 by Janie Danger
Eddie Murphy to Host Comedians in Cars Picking Up Transgender Prostitutes
Your summer guide to hot Pride month television just got even hotter! Legendary comedian Eddie Murphy, who once said “I’m afraid of gay people. Petri...
6/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
I Want to Support Chick-Fil-A Because I’m Homophobic But Popeye’s Really is Better
Look, I want you all to know off the bat that I 100% support Chick-fil-a. In 2012, I drove to Abingdon in support of Mike Huckabees Chick-Fil-A Appre...
6/7/2021 by Madeline Kline
Cultural Appropriation? Podcast Not Exclusively Run by White Guys Goes Viral
Outrage from the podcast community has recently hit a peak due to the recent viral success of the hot new podcast, The Anything Academy. While the p...
6/5/2021 by Brandon Puff
Liberal Media Corrupting Youth by Teaching Them Love and Kindness
Parents, it’s time for you to wake up and look around. Your children are slowly being indoctrinated to believe that love and kindness are values they...
6/2/2021 by Caleb Townsend
85 Comedians Simultaneously Sue Each Other Over Stand Up Special Entitled “Trigger Warning”
85 Comedians are simultaneously suing each other over the intellectual property rights for a stand-up special entitled “Trigger Warning”. Though the ...
5/26/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Six Movies That’ll Make you Forget About Emily and Her Stupid New Boyfriend
Movies are a portal to a different world. They are perfect a 2-hour escape from the reality that your beloved Emily is getting dicked down by someone...
5/22/2021 by KC Shevek
Local High Schooler Believes Camo Actually Makes Him Invisible Because No One Will Approach Him at School
Colin Bines is your average high schooler: he loves our military – and hunters, like his father – so he wears camo gear to school every day. He works...
5/21/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Conservative Think Tank Identifies as a Comedy Website
Babylon Bee, a local conservative think tank meant to largely push anti-trans rhetoric and do damage control for the GOP, now identifies as a comedy ...
5/20/2021 by Fred Nelson
4 Hilarious Conservative Comedians That Are All Tim Allen
Nowadays, every comedian seems to have a left-leaning political bias, from the cast of SNL to those clowns at the DNC (amiright fellas??). Whatever h...
5/17/2021 by Janice Peabody
The Good, The Plaid, and The Ugly: Talking to Your Hunting Buddies About Scottish Culture Appropriation
You’re deep in the woods, surrounded by your buddies for the weekend. You’ve shot your first buck and now you’re heading down to camp for a night of ...
5/13/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Disgusting: Brave Patriot Surgeon Fired After Refusing to Wear Mask During Operation
Time to bow down to your corporate overlords! A local government-funded hospital has just fired a surgeon after refusing to wear a mask during the op...
5/9/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Tucker Carlson Forgoes Monologue and Just Blows Literal Dog Whistle On-Air For 45 Minutes
Last Friday, unofficial (but very official) savior of the white race Tucker Carlson structured his show a little differently. While Tucker usually wi...
3/16/2021 by KC Shevek
Sorry Trans-Rights Cucks, But Sex Is Real and If Anyone Would Please Sleep With Me I Can Prove It!
Nowadays, completely out of the blue and new to MANkind, a bunch of snowflakes “feel” like they’re the incorrect sex. But we know they’re wrong. Fact...
3/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Comedian Under Investigation After New Show “Trigger Warning” Results in Death of 8 Audience Members.
A local comedian, Robbie Vasquez, is currently under investigation after his new show, “Trigger Warning”, resulted in the death of 8 audience members...
3/8/2021 by Janice Peabody
Everything You Need for the Perfect Capitol Riot Themed Bachelor Party
Stolen Podium. This is the cornerstone of the riot decor. Anyone giving a speech must be standing at the podium, piss-drunk. If you can’t steal on...