Canceled? Nobody Laughed at the Rape Joke I Told in the Break Room Today

Alright, this is it. The Woke Mob has gone too far. After mercilessly slaughtering the likes of Dave Chappelle, Rosanne, Dr. Seuss, Sesame Street, and even those poor, defenseless confederate generals, they have chosen me as their next target. I must now tearfully inform you that I was canceled earlier today for telling a rape joke in the break room at work. “Canceled,” of course, refers to when people don’t laugh at your joke or vocally agree with the point you were making, a fate one might consider worse than death.

Earlier today, at work, when I was taking my 15 minute break, I go to the break room and see Brett and Linda sitting at one of the little tables. Linda looked super sad. In fact, I’m pretty sure I saw her wipe a tear off her face with a tissue or something. I figured, what’s a better ice breaker than some good old comedy? Laughter’s the best medicine, right? So, I bust out one of my favorite rape jokes, “Do you wanna play the rape game?” I ask.

“Can you please not do this again?” Brett replies, looking like he’s kind of pissed off.

“That’s the spirit!” I loudly exclaim, barely holding back my own laughter, anticipating a huge guffaw from my audience. But then there was nothing. The room was so dead, you could still hear Linda crying. I was expecting at least a chuckle, especially after I spent about 45 minutes working on my delivery this morning.

I can’t believe the woke mob would do this to me. I don’t know how I rebuild. All I have left is my house, my job, my 401K, my wife, and my kids. When they first rose to power, the Nazis burned books. This is basically the same thing. First they didn’t laugh at the rape joke I told in the break room and you said nothing. Then they… the Holocaust.