Silver Lining! Andrew Tate Happy That There Are No Women in Jail

1/6/2023 by Erwin Feinberg

It’s been a very difficult past two weeks for fans of the internet’s number one Bugatti driver, Andrew Tate. Last week, Tate posted the absolute most savage tweet ever directed at global warming alarmist Greta Thunberg, telling her about all the sick sports cars he owns and how much carbon they emit into the atmosphere. Tate ended the tweet by asking Thunberg to send him her email address so he could send her a full catalog of his carbon emissions. In response, Thunberg did something totally uncalled for; she made fun of Tate’s penis size. Now as any alpha-male top G will tell you, you NEVER insult a man’s penis. That is where his seed comes from; it is the trunk from which his spawn will be birthed into this world. To make fun of that is akin to making fun of a woman’s…actually, no, it’s worse than making fun of a woman’s vagina 'cause that is actually funny. It’s just plain mean and wrong to make fun of a man’s penis! But Thunberg went there, leaving Tate no choice but to respond with a super cool video of him smoking a cigar in a bathrobe and absolutely DESTROYING Thunberg’s tweet by using the old PeeWee Herman trick of “I know you are, but what am I?” 

But sadly for Tate’s followers, that would be the last super cool thing he would do. Because shortly after Tate released that video, his house was raided by the communist Romanian police. The only crime he was accused of? Sex trafficking. Now, some speculated that it was Tate’s inclusion of a pizza box from a local Romanian pizza chain in his response video to Thunberg that tipped off the cops. But we here at ManFacts, don’t want to admit that a woman could have taken down Andrew Tate, so we are just not going to interrogate it any further. Tate is now being held, like a political prisoner, in jail for 30 days. But amidst all the sadness, there is good news. It has recently come to the attention of our intrepid reporters who have not left Romania (for a variety of legal reasons) and are the only ones staying on this story, that Tate is actually taking full advantage of his time in jail. He recently relayed a message to his supporters which read, “you think I didn’t know I would get thrown in jail? That was all part of the plan. Here in Romanian jail, I am surrounded by alpha males, real top G’s, and the best part is that there isn’t a female in sight. All we do all day is bench press, watch Arnold Schwarzenegger films (the old ones from before he was woke), and talk about how females could never pull off a multi-level marketing scheme the way I have. They thought jail would be my punishment, but it is my paradise!”