Politics
12/8/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
Wow, This Thirst Trap’s Political TikTok Has Me Rock Hard For Activism
I don’t like getting political on social media. I prefer using my screen time for keeping in touch with my family, owning the libs, and watching Velm...
12/1/2022 by Fred Nelson
Trump Downplays Dinner With Fuentes and Kanye: “We Didn’t Even Get To Have Dessert”
11/22/2022 by Elyza Halpern
Soft On Crime? Biden Pardons Turkey
11/15/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Making Amends: Kanye Just Watched Don’t Mess with The Zohan
11/7/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Centrist Fills in Half of Circle on Midterm Ballot
Today are the midterms, or as we are referring to it here at the ManFacts HQ, the latest illegitimate attempt to take away our flamethrowers. The big...
9/19/2022 by Brandon Puff
Does Torture Work? This Torture Expert We Talked To Really Hopes So
An important question is rising to the surface once again. All over the country, men, women, and children are wondering if torture actually works. Wh...
9/9/2022 by Fred Nelson
Biden Releases Heartfelt Statement In Response To Queen Victoria's Death
8/10/2022 by Caleb Townsend , Fred Nelson
Trump Supporters Burn Their Female Body Inspector T-Shirts In Protest
A group of Trump supporters are taking to the streets to protest the FBI raid of former president Trump by burning their Female Body Inspector shirts...
8/5/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Alex Jones Ordered By Judges To Stop Pitching Alpha Brain Plus During His Testimony
Judges have ordered Alex Jones to stop promoting his brain supplement, Alpha Brain Plus, while giving his testimony in a defamation trial that may je...
6/21/2022 by Brandon Puff
Climate Scientists Warn Meat Consumption Must Be Brought Down By 70% Or We Will Need To Brace For More Diarrhea
Climate scientists from all around the world say that, if we don't stop eating meat as a species, we're going to find ourselves riding the di...
6/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Anchor Baby? This Immigrant Mother Gave Birth To A Ten Thousand Pound Child
A hospital in San Antonio Texas has reported that over the weekend an immigrant mother gave birth to a child weighing roughly ten thousand pounds. Me...
6/14/2022 by Fred Nelson
How Come Everyone's Talking About Jan 6 But Not April 18 (My Birthday)
Last year, on January 6, we witnessed a group of people storm the United States capitol in an attempt to upend the results of an election. Over a ye...
6/9/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Brett Kavanaugh: “Americans Should Be Able to Carry A Gun Anywhere They Want, Except In My House”
My fellow Americans, Wazzup!!! It’s me, Brett Kavanaugh, the Supreme Court justice who, like my man Johnny Depp, beat the allegations against me l...
5/28/2022 by Caleb Townsend
FINALLY: Congress Comes Together To Put Restrictions On Depp-Heard Trial
5/27/2022 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: The Only Thing That Can Stop A Bad Guy With A Gun Is A Good Guy With A Gun Sheepishly Standing Outside
After 27 school shootings in 2022, alone, many Americans believe that we, as a society need to make some sort of major change to prevent this from ha...
5/24/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Infant Shortage Strikes Just As Baby Formula Shortage Resolves Itself
As the national shortage of baby formula shortage begins to resolve itself, the FDA is now warning of a new problem - an impending infant shortage. ...
5/11/2022 by Brandon Puff
New Jersey Set To Become First State To Legalize Quoting The Sopranos In Public
A new law expected to pass in New Jersey seeks to legalize the public act of quoting The Sopranos while within public spaces. While New Jersey reside...
5/4/2022 by Dave Ruff
What’s The Big Deal With The Roe V Wade Vote? Says Man That Will Never EVER Get A Woman Pregnant
Ted Shar, aka LordFeathertone42069, is a 37-year-old white male currently living alone in an apartment eclectically decorated with damp towels and ke...
5/3/2022 by Brian Beuche
BREAKING: Federal Judge Orders Trump Do Some Nonsense Yada Yada January 6 Whatever
A Federal Judge on Sunday ordered former President, Donald Trump, to do some new thing about the January 6 investigation or something. This comes on ...
4/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Report: Biden Said Something About Starting Nuclear Armageddon, We Weren’t Really Paying Attention
Earlier today, at one of those really boring press conferences, President Biden spoke at great length about something involving nuclear armageddon. ...
3/31/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Who Is Ketanji Brown Jackson? What’s Her Deal? Does She Like Beer?
Conservatives are spending yet another day in court asking Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson questions to try to figure out who she i...
3/29/2022 by Morgan Lyons
Biden Offers A Trade With Russia To Leave Ukraine And Take New Jersey
WASHINGTON—President Biden announced today that he is in talks with NATO about offering a potential peace deal that will end the Russian war in Ukrai...
3/25/2022 by Andrew K.
Man Who Has Not Run Since Middle School Gym Class, Could End the War In Ukraine ‘With the Right Gear’
GARY, IN -- At the Southlake Mall, 32-year-old Raymond Clarke Jr, was spotted at Asian Promises — a store specializing in the sale of replica East ...
3/17/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Boston Residents Hold St. Patrick’s Day Brawl In The Streets In Solidarity With Ukraine
3/4/2022 by Dave Ruff
GOP Unsure Who To Root For In Ukraine-Russian War Since Both Countries Are White
Conservatives all across the world are having trouble figuring out who to root for in the Ukrainian-Russian war. The news comes on the heels of CPAC,...
3/3/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Man Bravely Stands With US Sanctions, Takes Martini With Gin Instead Of Vodka
Following a series of sanctions targeting Russia’s economic sector, local man Justin is doing his part to condemn Putin’s invasion of Ukraine by drin...
3/2/2022 by Brandon Puff
Federal Government Approves Plan To Provide Teachers With Two Additional Pizza Parties Each Year
Teachers are the backbone of the educational system in America and as of late, we have been failing them massively. With reduced budgets, increased w...
2/25/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Man Explains To Wife That He Was Too Distracted By Ukraine Invasion to Pick Son Up From School
This past Thursday, there was a standoff in the McBoile household in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Patriarch Danny McBoile promised his wife, Ellen DeGener...
2/23/2022 by Fred Nelson
How This Whole Ukraine Thing Could Really Get You Laid
So, the news is in: Vladimir Putin, the ultimate alpha male, is sending troops into Ukraine. Biden, I’m pretty sure, is responding by going to war wi...
2/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Queen Elizabeth Cuts Prince Andrew Off From Royal Adrenochrome Supply As Punishment For Recent Embarrassments
Reports are coming in that Queen Elizabeth has cut Prince Andrew off from the Royal adrenochrome supply to punish him for his recent embarrassments. ...
2/9/2022 by Editorial Staff
Everyone Is On Board With Forgiving Student Loan Debt, But No No One Will Forgive Me For Hitting That Kid With My Car
Ever since Joe Biden became president, there has been a lot of talk about forgiving student loan debt. Generally, most of the people I talk to seem t...
2/7/2022 by Brandon Puff
How To Defend Yourself Against A Woman Trying To Get An Abortion
You’ve probably heard recently on the news that in Texas you can report a woman for getting an abortion after six weeks. This means that the era of t...
1/26/2022 by Brandon Puff
Uh Oh! Sesame Street Just Gave Kids The Talk About How To Topple The Government By Any Means Necessary
Be alert parents, the beloved childhood show just did an episode explaining to kids how they can topple their oppressive governments through any mean...
1/13/2022 by Brandon Puff
How To Talk To Your Child About The Global Pedophilic Cabal
With the recent trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, elite pedophilic cabals have been all the rage throughout the media cycle, and your children may have que...
1/7/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
Ted Cruz Rejects Responsibility For Jan 6th: “I Was In Cancun When it Happened”
My fellow patriots, it’s been one year since the peaceful walk through the capitol that made the libs lose their mind. Even though all this time has ...
12/29/2021 by Caleb Townsend
A Look At Kyle Rittenhouse’s New Sitcom: Ritten In The House
Hollywood, California — America’s newest sweetheart is about to make his first appearance on television screens across the country. Kyle Rittenhous...
12/27/2021 by Ken Taro Ward
Pro-Life Cop Unsure What to Do With Fetus After Arresting Pregnant Woman
TOPEKA, Kan. – Officer Wesley Wilbur hit a roadblock he didn’t expect when he recently arrested a woman for jaywalking: she was pregnant, sources c...
12/22/2021 by Brandon Puff
OPINION: Dating a Liberal Is a Bad Idea, Especially When They Have Chainsaws for Arms
The dating world is a strange and dangerous place. It’s even more of a struggle out there when you’re searching for someone who agrees with every opi...
12/15/2021 by Ken Taro Ward
Libertarian Happy to Pay Toll Every Half Mile to Use Someone’s Privately-Owned Road
BOISE, Idaho – At a recent city council meeting, local resident Chuck Miller used the public forum time allotment to propose privatizing the city’s r...
11/27/2021 by Brandon Puff
Gas Prices Soar as Biden Gnaws on Pipline
Americans heading to the gas pumps are likely to find a costly surprise after President Biden has chewed on nearly three miles of oil pipeline. The ...
11/16/2021 by Editorial Staff
Left Can’t Take a Joke? This Baby Cried When I Yelled ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ In Its Face
With nearly full control over the comedy landscape, liberals seem to have no sense of humor, whatsoever. I understand that their many sitcoms and lat...
11/15/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Generation Who Dropped Two Atomic Bombs on a Foreign Country Has a Lot of Interesting Opinions on Police De-Escalation
There’s been a lot of chatter in recent years about our greatest generation of heroes, The Greatest Generation, who helped end the Holocaust, end the...
11/13/2021 by Dave Ruff
Judge Insists Prosecutors Refer to Rittenhouse Exclusively as ‘That Nice Young Man’
11/9/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Conservatives Around the World Demand Big Bird Be Depicted in the January 6 Insurrection
Conservatives around the world are demanding that the official Big Bird Twitter account puts out images of Big Bird at the January 6th insurrection. ...
11/4/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Joe Biden Raised Gas Prices and He’s Also the Reason My Car is Impounded
Well, congrats, Dems. I hope you guys are proud of yourselves. Because of your reckless disregard for the future of our country, now we all get to su...
10/30/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Man Owns Libs by Dressing up as Wall for 6th Year in a Row
10/20/2021 by Fred Nelson
HYPOCRITE: AOC Introduces Tax Bill in Room Full of Wealthy Congressmen
10/18/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Ben Shapiro Can’t Believe You Would Criticize Israel on Jewish Holiday He Just Made Up
Patriots, there comes a time when a man must stand on his principles. When he must draw a line in the sand and say “you fucking crossed the line budd...
10/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“Conservatism Is The New Counterculture!” Says Guy Who Works for Corporation That Gave a Bunch of Kids Cancer
Liberals have long been able to claim that THEY are the ones who “go against the grain,” and who actually are “independent thinkers.” But ever since ...
10/11/2021 by Editorial Staff
BREAKING: Christopher Columbus Resigns as Governor of New York in Response to Genocide Allegations
It’s Columbus Day, so you know what that means: the liberal mob is going to ruin the only thing Italian-Americans have to be proud of, except for Fra...
10/6/2021 by Dave Ruff
Libertarian Agrees With Boss’s Decision Not To Give Him A Raise
“While it would have been nice to get more money to pay my dad back for the car, I have to agree with Mr. Cohlson,” says Ted Liberson. Ted is a 24-ye...
9/24/2021 by Brandon Puff
Local Applebee’s Deemed Monument To Capitol Rioters
An Applebee’s located in Washington DC has become an honorary monument to the bravery of the capitol rioters who attempted to secure freedom from the...
9/17/2021 by Editorial Staff
“I Don’t Make the Laws,” Says Lawmaker
This week in Washington, negotiations are beginning on the $3.5 trillion dollar infrastructure package that Democrats hope to pass in the coming mont...
9/16/2021 by Brian Beuche
I’ve Spent So Much Time Hating AOC That I Feel Weird Asking What Her Actual Name Is
Look, I’m a red-blooded American, through and through. I own a ‘Sleepy Joe’ lawn gnome. When I see a veteran on the street, I go up and thank them by...
9/14/2021 by Fred Nelson
COMPROMISE: Marjorie Taylor Green to Wear ‘Tax the Poor’ Dress to Next Year’s Met Gala
After Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a famous congresswoman and lightning rod for conservative’s sexual rage, was spotted at yesterday’s Met Gala clad in ...
9/9/2021 by Fred Nelson , Erwin Feinberg
Theater Kid Moves to Washington, D.C. to Pursue Career as Crisis Actor
Everyone thinks that in order to become a successful actor, you need to move to New York or LA. People who say this don’t know just how much the indu...
9/1/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Shocking: Democrats Are Trying to Take Credit for Things Republican Hero JFK Did
Well patriots, it has come to this. Since the Demo-crap party wants to rewrite our history with statements like “critical race theory brings up some ...
8/27/2021 by Caleb Townsend
BREAKING: The Libs Want to Abolish ICE and Make You Enjoy Your Drinks at Room Temperature
“ABOLISH ICE!” I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase. Whether you’re at a restaurant trying to enjoy a margarita or in your home sipping on a Mountain Dew...
8/26/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: If I Don’t Like Your Criticisms of America, Why Don’t You Move to A Country That Suppresses Free Speech?
Hello America, I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Not the country per se, which is the greatest country on Earth and has never done anything wrong, b...
8/20/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Communism? My Girlfriend Wants to “Share” My Bed!
Okay guys, let me know what YOU’D call this. I’m pretty sure this is Marxism 101, but my girlfriend keeps telling me I’m just “afraid of commitment.”...
8/17/2021 by Fred Nelson
We Went to Afghanistan to Interview Taliban Leaders but Got Distracted by All the Opium
Now that President Biden withdrew U.S. troops from Afghanistan, the Taliban, like so many other things from the 2000s, are back in full swing, baby! ...
8/16/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Cancel Culture Gone Crazy: I Got Fired For My Allegiance to the Taliban
Well patriots, Twitter has officially TAKEN OVER my life. You make ONE minor, super insignificant pledge to destroy everything the west has ever stoo...
8/16/2021 by Fred Nelson , Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: When Trump Said We Were Leaving Afghanistan, He Didn’t Mean It LITERALLY!
“President” Joe Biden has just made the most irresponsible foreign policy decision of his entire career; he got US troops out of Afghanistan. Now, I ...
8/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“School Mask Mandates Are Child Abuse,” Says Man Who Hits His Kids
LEHIGH VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA – Awaiting a much-anticipated decision from the school board regarding masks requirements for students this upcoming fall...
8/12/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“They Don’t Get to Have Elections in China,” Says Guy Who’s Never Voted
Look commies, I’ve heard all of your arguments. You dum-dums flood my mentions daily with talk of healthcare, free college, and so called lower emiss...
8/11/2021 by Brandon Puff
I Have Definitive Proof That Hilary Clinton Killed My Goldfish In The 8th Grade
Years of my life have been dedicated to finding and proving one absolute truth that I have deep inside my heart. There is a knowledge within me so da...
8/10/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“Do I Get to be Governor Now?!” Asks a Dazed Rudy Giuliani Waking up From A Nap on the Toilet
Today in the communist Republic of New York, republicans finally have gotten what we’ve been asking for. Andrew “Corleone” Cuomo has resigned from th...
8/10/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Scary! Report States Covid Is Both a Hoax and a Chinese Bioweapon
Let me start this with a confession: I haven’t had a vaccine since I was six. No tetanus, no flu shot, nothing. I’ve had tetanus twice and suffer fro...
8/4/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
How to Suddenly Give a Shit About Sexual Harassment in the Workplace Because You Hate Andrew Cuomo
Attention men! It’s official! Andrew “Dice” Cuomo is going to prison (or maybe not, maybe he’s just resigning)!!! I know that, as brave patriots, we’...
7/27/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
How To Back The Blue While Thinking All Capitol Police Officers Are Dirty Liars
Today the lamestream media was at it again, trying to paint what happened on January 5th (or was it 6th? Honestly it was so not a big deal that I can...
7/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg , Fred Nelson
Ted Cruz to Democrats That Fled Texas: ‘If I Wasn’t in Cancun Right Now, I’d Teach You a Thing or Two About Constitutional Duty’
Hello America, It’s me, Ted Cruz, the poor mans Dog the Bounty Hunter. Currently I’m in Cancun, again, dropping off my daughters for the 14th time, b...
7/12/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Cuba Is Proof Communism Doesn’t Work Because It Always Causes U.S. Trade Sanctions
Over the last week, fake coronavirus cases have been exploding on the, “everything is free,” island of Cuba, and finally, the welfare babies have had...
7/12/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Tucker Carlson Finds Himself in the Unique Position of Being Spied 0n by the NSA
Over the past two weeks, an unspeakable crime has been taking place in our nation’s capitol. Future president, Tucker Carlson has had to undergo the ...
7/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Scary! Sharia Law and Socialism Somehow Both Right Around the Corner
It’s happening folks. They are coming for you! Who, you may ask? Well, everyone. You see, Sharia Law is just around the corner. And despite being an ...
6/29/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: I Could Singlehandedly Get to The Bottom of How Covid Started in China If I Wasn’t On The No-Fly List
Being someone who grew up as the son of a dental hygienist, I know a thing or two about science and medicine. But the one thing I know for certain is...
6/28/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Standing Up to Cancel Culture: Dan Crenshaw Calls for U.S. Olympian to Be Fired for Not Eye-Fucking the Flag Hard Enough
Dan Crenshaw has had enough! Today our fearless and eyeless leader is working to “Cancel Cancel Culture,” by demanding Gwen Berry be fired from her j...
6/25/2021 by Caleb Townsend
New Report From InfoWars: Infowars More Accurate Than Any Other News Source
A new report from InfoWars has confirmed that InfoWars is more accurate than any other news source. The study was conducted by InfoWars staff who ask...
6/23/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: I’m a Maoist-Libertarian-Dadaist-Islamic-Fundamentalist-Theocrat and I Can Tell You Exactly What That Means
In today’s extremely binary world of political discourse, everyone is always going on and on about the same issues. Is Trump bad? Is Nancy Pelosi wor...
6/16/2021 by KC Shevek
Opinion: The Government Has No Right to Tell My Boss What to Do
We live in a grave time where our civil liberties are eroded every day by the creeping authoritarianism of the state. I’m a Family Man. I work hard t...
6/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
What We Learned From the Fauci Emails We Didn’t Read
If you’re anything like me, you know that reading is for pussies. Sure, Tweets are one thing, but I haven’t read anything longer than 200 words that ...
6/3/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Andy Ngo Speaks Out Against Self Inflicted Antifa Violence
It happened again, folks! This weekend in Portland, journalist and famous milkshake enthusiast Andy Ngo was just minding his own business and trying ...
5/25/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
How to Not Fantasize About Sliding Your Dick Into Tucker Carlson’s Mouth While It Just Sits There All Wide and Open Like That
Let’s face it, when you’re watching Tucker Carlson tonight, the impure thought of lodging your phat hog in his perpetually open mouth crosses your mi...
5/18/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: I Can Be an Anti-Semite Who Supports Israel Because I’m a Free Thinker
In today’s social-justice plagued America, people think the world is so black and white. People think if you love your country, it means you have to ...
5/9/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Tucker Carlson Forgoes Monologue and Just Blows Literal Dog Whistle On-Air For 45 Minutes
Last Friday, unofficial (but very official) savior of the white race Tucker Carlson structured his show a little differently. While Tucker usually wi...
3/8/2021 by Janice Peabody
Everything You Need for the Perfect Capitol Riot Themed Bachelor Party
Stolen Podium. This is the cornerstone of the riot decor. Anyone giving a speech must be standing at the podium, piss-drunk. If you can’t steal on...
3/8/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
CPAC Attendees Drive Home Anti-Pro Choice Message By Not Allowing Visitors To Select Which COVID Variant They Get
This past weekend was CPAC, also known as the Conservative Political Action Committee, also known as Ted Cruz’s final attempt at testing the waters f...