Local Applebee’s Deemed Monument To Capitol Rioters

9/24/2021 by Brandon Puff

An Applebee’s located in Washington DC has become an honorary monument to the bravery of the capitol rioters who attempted to secure freedom from the hands of our government. Neither the management nor the staff of this Applebee’s have been made aware of the franchise’s newfound monument status, as it has only been recognized by a small Facebook group that meets there every Saturday.

Clay Johnson has become the leader of the Freedom Front Liberation Group, a small yet devoted band of people who are committed to fighting for the rights of Americans everywhere by meeting up once a week at Applebee’s to shit on President Biden. Clay explained this annual meeting to our reporters.

“No matter what, we always put in an effort to meet here and enjoy a delicious yet affordable meal while we discuss the philosophy of freedom and why Biden sucks pig ass.”

Clay made the announcement a few weeks ago that this particular Applebee’s would be a monument to the brave heroes who stormed the Capitol in an attempt to secure freedom for Americans everywhere.

“Dear group members, I know many of you have been following this fight for freedom closely. Myself and other key members have been meeting in person for strategic talks about securing our liberties from the tyrannical government. We have been meeting at the Applebee’s just off Welder’s Road, right here in DC. The staff and management are always polite to us and let us have as much time as we need. They are true heroes. Applebee’s is about uniting us Americans and giving us the choices the government never could. That is why today I am happy to announce that Applebee’s location shall forever be remembered as a monument to the brave men and women who raided the capitol like true freedom warriors.”

Clay concluded the post by explaining what his favorite menu items were. We reached out to the manager of the Applebee’s, Clay and his group, frequently, he only had a brief statement to give us.

“Clay has actually been coming here by himself these past few months. He orders enough food for four people but usually just scrolls through Facebook on his phone. He likes to use our parking lot to record rants against Biden but aside from that, I’m not sure what kind of freedom fighting he’s doing. His purchases are the only reason I still have a job here. I love him.”

Wherever Clay’s fight for freedom takes him, it’s clear he will always have an ally in Applebee’s.