Vitality
1/13/2023 by Fred Nelson
Financial Genius: This Man Saved $645,000 By Not Getting That Lump Checked Out
9/2/2022 by Brandon Puff
Are Modern Men More Lonely Than Ever Before? I Mean, This Study Says So But I Feel Perfectly Fine
Are modern men more lonely? According to a recent study, the answer is yes, but if I’m being honest I don’t feel lonely at all. Apparently, the exper...
8/17/2022 by Brandon Puff
Modern Warrior Receives Viking Funeral After Overdosing On Alpha Brain
OHIO - Earlier this week, a man representing the modern-day image of a warrior king died tragically after overdosing on Alpha Brain. His name was Ale...
8/9/2022 by Fred Nelson
Man With Imposter Syndrome Parks In Handicap Parking Spot
GREENVILLE, NC - College Admissions Officer, Daniel Hasancaamp tried something for the first time when popping into a local Starbucks to grab a cup o...
6/21/2022 by Brandon Puff
Climate Scientists Warn Meat Consumption Must Be Brought Down By 70% Or We Will Need To Brace For More Diarrhea
Climate scientists from all around the world say that, if we don't stop eating meat as a species, we're going to find ourselves riding the di...
6/16/2022 by Editorial Staff
HYPOCRITE: So-called, 'Infectious Disease Doctor,' Gets Infectious Disease
Washington D.C. – Well, well, well... After years of begging everyone to “wear masks”, “social distance”, and “not spit into your children's mo...
5/30/2022 by Caleb Townsend , Fred Nelson
Man Celebrates Memorial Day By Getting So Drunk He Can't Remember The Night Before
4/12/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
"We're All Going to Get it Eventually," Says Man With Chlamydia
Over the last week, we have seen the number of infections begin to go up again and, like many of you out there, I as an alpha male am wondering “why ...
3/24/2022 by Brandon Puff
How Crossing My Legs Eventually Made My Penis Fall Off
Looking at me in the streets, you would have no hint of my secret. You would see a very handsome man, with an incredibly charming smile and the aura ...
3/7/2022 by Brandon Puff
Study Finds STD Rate Amongst Elderly Directly Correlated To How Cool They Are
A new study released by the Journal Of Medicine shows that STD rates amongst the elderly have a direct correlation with how cool they are. This groun...
2/28/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
California Lifts Mask Mandate Hoping to Capture Ghostface
SACRAMENTO – California Gov. Gavin Newsom announced on Monday that the state will lift its indoor mask mandate to help apprehend Ghostface, the prank...
2/20/2022 by Editorial Staff
How Come Over 250 Million Americans Were Willing to Take The Vaccine But Nobody Will Read My Screenplay?
America, I got a bone to pick with you. As it stands, over 250 million Americans have taken the experimental vaccine, which libs promised will “end t...
2/10/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Take Your Paleo Diet To The Next Level By Grunting and Throwing Your Feces At Strangers
The paleo diet. Also known as the caveman diet. To some, it’s simply a diet consisting of lean meats, fish, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds. A wa...
1/22/2022 by Brandon Puff
270 Doctors Sign Letter Urging Public To Stop Listening To Joe Rogan And Try Their Medical History Podcast Instead
Over two hundred and fifty doctors have all signed an open letter urging the public to stop listening to Joe Rogan’s podcast and instead to try and l...
1/6/2022 by Caleb Townsend
“Igh Trus Migh Immune Syseem,” Says Man Currently Having Stroke
Timberville, VA (ManFacts) — Despite suffering a debilitation seizure, local man, Greg O’Connor is standing firm in his refusal to get a vaccine. M...
12/30/2021 by Fred Nelson
Dying Man Insists Joe Rogan Perform Critical Surgery On Him
BLOOMINGTON, IN – Jason Gural (28) lies in a hospital bed after a recent cardiac episode caused by a coronary blockage, possibly the result of a diet...
12/7/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Dr. Oz Declares He’s Running for Senate to Ensure Every American Has Access to OxyContin
It’s a big day for fans of being skeptical of western medicine, because longtime snake-oil salesman and 2nd worst guy named Mehmet, Dr. Oz, declared ...
12/2/2021 by Fred Nelson
Centrist Gets 1.5 Vaccine Shots
As the decision to get the Covid-19 vaccine gets increasingly politically polarized, many Americans have been forced to pick a side. If they choose t...
10/9/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Uncle’s Entire Understanding of Trans Issues Comes From Most Recent Dave Chappelle Special
10/4/2021 by Kai Nelson
6 Exercises That’ll Make the Ladies Scream, “You’re a Monster! Oh My God, What Have You Become?”
Once you’ve passed the normal benchmarks of bodybuilding (benching 225, deadlifting twice your body weight, and making babies cry), you may feel stag...
10/2/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Meatloaf to Nation: I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Get Vaccinated
My fellow patriots, we live in a time of complete and utter madness. Chairman Biden has been issuing mandates left and right, critical race theory is...
10/1/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Vaccine Alternative? I Injected Myself with Small Doses of the Virus to Acclimate My Body to Covid
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably saying, “you’re not a doctor, so why are you weighing in on something you clearly don’t have a str...
9/18/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend is Right: Women Don’t Like Guys With Huge Balls
Today, it can be hard to know exactly “What women want.” You can watch that Mel Gibson movie as many times as you like, but I guess women, and what t...
9/13/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Move Over Cigarettes! Ivermectin is the Newest, Hottest Prison Currency
If you’ve been to prison or watched the films Get Hard or Let’s Go to Prison , you know that cigarettes are the cornerstone of the in-prison econo...
9/10/2021 by Fred Nelson , Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: We’ll See Who’s Laughing Next Time There’s a Horse Worm Outbreak
Well, well, well. You all thought that taking an “FDA Approved” vaccine was going to save humanity from the Wuhan flu. Well, guess what, fuckers, the...
9/2/2021 by Fred Nelson
Smoking Weed Makes Me Better at Creative Tasks Like Watching TV and Masturbating
Allow me to state the obvious: it’s 2021 and if you don’t smoke weed, you’re a fascist tool. Everyone knows that marijuana is the solution to all of ...
8/31/2021 by Caleb Townsend
10 Other Animal Dewormers Joe Rogan Has Also Taken
If you follow the news, and by that I mean Facebook shitposting groups, you’ve undoubtedly heard that Joe Rogan has recently ingested ivermectin in r...
8/31/2021 by Brandon Puff
These 27 Vitamins And Supplements Will Replace The Need For Diet And Exercise
Magnesium to keep the fluid in your spine flavorful. Folic Acid will allow you to see in the dark I think. Biotin gives you a really athlet...
8/30/2021 by David Trajanoski
The Proper Way to Ice Your Balls After Failing the Milk Crate Challenge
If you’re a white, hot-blooded, American male aged 17-25, it’s a statistical probability you will attempt the Milk Crate Challenge and consequently f...
8/23/2021 by Caleb Townsend
6 Muppets That Would Stand up for Freedom and Refuse the Vaccine
Everyone knows that The Muppets are gay-agenda-loving communists who will fall in line with whatever the “media” and “medical consensus” tells them. ...
8/17/2021 by Fred Nelson
We Went to Afghanistan to Interview Taliban Leaders but Got Distracted by All the Opium
Now that President Biden withdrew U.S. troops from Afghanistan, the Taliban, like so many other things from the 2000s, are back in full swing, baby! ...
8/14/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“School Mask Mandates Are Child Abuse,” Says Man Who Hits His Kids
LEHIGH VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA – Awaiting a much-anticipated decision from the school board regarding masks requirements for students this upcoming fall...
8/2/2021 by Fred Nelson
OPINION: If Obama Can Throw a Massive Birthday Party During a Pandemic, How Come Nobody Showed Up to Mine?
First the Dijon mustard, then the tan suit, and now this?! Recently, Barack Obama, the literal antichrist, announced he will be throwing a 60th birth...
7/29/2021 by Caleb Townsend
SHOCKING: 103-Year-Old Smoker Who Skydives Found Dead, 2 Days After Taking Vaccine
Still think vaccines are safe? Well, why don’t you ask David, a 103-year-old lifelong smoker who has a passion for Skydiving? Oh wait, you can’t, bec...
7/27/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Make Your Dick Bigger (and Then Significantly Smaller) in 2 Easy Steps
Want to make your girl scream? Want her addicted to your cock? Who doesn’t? In today’s society, men are made to feel inadequate about their penis siz...
7/21/2021 by Kai Nelson
Heartbreaking: This Man’s Girlfriend Forced Him to Learn about Skincare
Like many other twenty-something men, Jared Maxwell used to be clueless about skincare. He couldn’t tell a toner from a moisturizer, a face mask from...
7/19/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: If You Don’t Want the Delta Variant, Don’t Fly on Their Airline
It’s white boy summer baby. As such, many of us are traveling to escape the heat that’s being caused by God as revenge for making Joe Biden president...
7/14/2021 by Caleb Townsend
How to Have Safe Sex With Your Vaccinated Girlfriend
Covid has put a strain on relationships across America. Perhaps one of the biggest hurdles is when one person is vaccinated, and the other person is ...
6/29/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
OPINION: I Could Singlehandedly Get to The Bottom of How Covid Started in China If I Wasn’t On The No-Fly List
Being someone who grew up as the son of a dental hygienist, I know a thing or two about science and medicine. But the one thing I know for certain is...
6/18/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
Why Wiping Your Ass Actually Deprives You of Necessary Nutrients Needed For Muscle Growth
We’ve been told our whole lives that when you shit, it’s offensive not to wipe your ass afterward. When you don’t wipe your ass, they told us, you ma...
6/10/2021 by Fred Nelson
‘It Just Feels Better’: Man Refuses to Get Vaccine Unless in Suppository Form
CLARKSVILLE, IN: Like many other registered republicans, mechanical engineer and proud father of three, Steve Trenton, holds a certain amount of skep...
6/8/2021 by Caleb Townsend
What We Learned From the Fauci Emails We Didn’t Read
If you’re anything like me, you know that reading is for pussies. Sure, Tweets are one thing, but I haven’t read anything longer than 200 words that ...
5/27/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
“I’m Not Into People Jamming Needles In Me,” Says Man Who Injects Human Growth Hormones
The Covid Vaccines are here, and like many men, I’m skeptical of anything not sold by a certified lunatic who calls school shooting victims “crisis a...
5/13/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Disgusting: Brave Patriot Surgeon Fired After Refusing to Wear Mask During Operation
Time to bow down to your corporate overlords! A local government-funded hospital has just fired a surgeon after refusing to wear a mask during the op...
5/11/2021 by Fred Nelson
4 STDs That’ll Prove You Had Sex
Do your friends still not believe that you’ve ever had sex, no matter how many stories you tell them about threesomes with supermodels? Well, we at M...
5/10/2021 by Caleb Townsend
Getting Back to Normal: 6 Things to Yell at Random Women Once Masks Are Gone
Masks. They were cool when Slipknot wore them, but now they trigger an unhinged fury in your psyche. Masks are a blessing and a curse. On one hand, t...