These 27 Vitamins And Supplements Will Replace The Need For Diet And Exercise

8/31/2021 by Brandon Puff

  1. Magnesium to keep the fluid in your spine flavorful.

  2. Folic Acid will allow you to see in the dark I think.

  3. Biotin gives you a really athletic boner, this applies to women too.

  4. Vitamin B12 is guaranteed to be 11 times better than B1.

  5. Gamma Linolenic Acid is proven to occasionally give you more energy and permanently give you weight loss inducing diarrhea. 

  6. Vitamin D would have made you strong enough to save your family all those years ago, might as well take it now. 

  7. Calcium to help build strong bones, don’t take too much or your skeleton will become sentient and have sex with your spouse.

  8. Vitamin K might cause your eyes to bleed but it will also cause your heart to bleed which means your heart will stay nice and cool in the Summer.

  9. Omega 3 Fatty Acids are an excellent way to make your genitals have a unique fish flavor.

  10. Black Cohosh is an herb that can give your urine a pleasant smell and stop wild coyotes from tracking and hunting you.

  11. Echinacea is filled with hundreds upon hundreds of microscopic migrant workers that will go about repairing your body. 

  12. Ginger will not make you a ginger yourself but it will cancel out the energy absorbing powers that most gingers will try to use to make you unhealthy.

  13. Ginseng acts as a blood thinner which will then allow the blood in your body to move around quicker.

  14. Cinnamon has been proven to do absolutely nothing but it is very flavorful. 

  15. Glucosamine is a miracle amino sugar that many believe caused the resurrection of Jesus Christ. 

  16. Coenzyme Q-10 is a powerful antioxidant that will remove the toxins from your body by causing you to defecate your entire stomach.

  17. Lycopene will give you a werewolf penis.

  18. Vitamin E has been shown to make mice explode instantaneously but I think it does good stuff for humans.

  19. Chromium will infuse your skin with metal and allow you to survive the robotic uprising. 

  20. Copper is the single most effective mineral to ingest if you are trying to increase the amount of copper in your stomach.

  21. Zinc is the mineral of all minerals, it is the beginning and the end, it is eternal and all encompassing of both time and space, it has consumed Gods and corrupted king, it has brought waste to legions and filled the sky with blackened ash and the oceans with blood. It is also available in your nearest health food store.

  22. Boron is the only substance capable of reducing your desire to join ISIS.

  23. Selenium will cause every pore on your skin to grow by three inches in diameter.

  24. Geranium will make your brain twenty times larger and remove your need for a physical form.

  25. Lipase will be jealous that you’re using other vitamins and this jealousy will make you a more potent lover.

  26. Protease should only be taken as a suppository, if ever ingested orally it will cause you to flip inside out in the most painful way possible.

  27. Amylase will slowly turn you into a multivitamin but whoever takes that multivitamin will then be taken over by your consciousness.