Federal Government Approves Plan To Provide Teachers With Two Additional Pizza Parties Each Year

3/2/2022 by Brandon Puff

Teachers are the backbone of the educational system in America and as of late, we have been failing them massively. With reduced budgets, increased workload and a general disregard for their well-being, many teachers feel as if they are at their breaking point. Knowing all of this and finally seeking to do something about it, the federal government has authorized additional funding to allow teachers to throw two more pizza parties each fiscal year. Biden spoke about this groundbreaking funding bill which will lead the charge in making sure American teachers are cared for.

“Listen, we are more than aware of the numerous issues within our education system which is why we are getting this funding bill passed. Right now, teachers are lucky if they can throw three pizza parties a year. With the money we are allocating in this new care package, they will soon be able to throw two more. Not just cheese pizza either, they can purchase pepperoni or sausage or whatever will help their students perform better on the SAT’s. This is a big win for teachers.”

One teacher from Arizona was ecstatic to hear about the pizza party funding bill getting passed and the possibilities it would bring.

“You know, our school has lots of problems but with this new bill I think we can finally do some good for our students. Sure, we have other problems. The bathrooms have this terrible flesh eating mold that’s been growing in the walls. But I think with the added calories from the pizza will give these kids enough energy to fight off the disease. We also haven’t had much of a budget for paper these last few years but we can just use the recycled pizza boxes going forward. Those things are good for at least five essays per student before we run out of space on them. All in all I would say this is a big win for the teachers of America.”

Teachers across the country are celebrating over the newfound funding which is certain to fix the countless problems within the American education system.