Communism? My Girlfriend Wants to “Share” My Bed!

Okay guys, let me know what YOU’D call this. I’m pretty sure this is Marxism 101, but my girlfriend keeps telling me I’m just “afraid of commitment.” So I’m eating her pussy, right, doing a fantastic job, she’s yawning, I’m sweating; the sex is about to happen. So then we have sex and I cum in like 5 minutes, a personal best, and then afterwards, my girl looks at me and says “can I sleep in your bed tonight?” I mean wow! Really? Right after I came in your hands you wanna ask me a scary-ass question like that!? Now at first, I was all emotional, like a little bitch, and was thinking a lot about how like most women leave me and how I think every woman I date is my mom. But then I cut out all that garbage and saw this for what it was; my girlfriend is a communist who wants ME, a private citizen, to let her enjoy MY bed, that I paid for with MY money I earned at Quiznos. The fucking nerve. I can’t “share” my bed, where do you think we live? Communist china?

I’m so pissed off she turned out to be a communist. I mean, she’s really hot and all and, like, understands me on a super fundamental level that I’ve never experienced with a partner before, but I might have to re-evaluate some shit. Do I really want to date someone who wants to “share” all my shit with me? Like for all I know she wants half of my Quiznos paycheck! Then she’ll want to reappropriate MY WEALTH or some shit by making me “buy dinner.” Oh god I can see it now, pretty soon she’s gonna wonder if I “got her a gift” for her birthday. I don’t believe in gift-giving unless it’s from someone else to me, that’s always how I’ve been, and no hot commie is gonna change that. Anyways, tonight I’m gonna tell her over dinner at Chili’s that I just can’t be dating a communist. I think she’ll understand, I will refuse to elaborate if she asks any questions.