Infant Shortage Strikes Just As Baby Formula Shortage Resolves Itself
5/24/2022 by Caleb Townsend
As the national shortage of baby formula shortage begins to resolve itself, the FDA is now warning of a new problem - an impending infant shortage.
The news comes after millions of mothers across the country spent the weekend buying up the now limitless supply of baby formula.
"It's just so frustrating," says one mother. "I finally get my hands on some formula, and now there are no babies to feed it to. What am I supposed to do, drink it myself?!"
The infant shortage can be attributed to multiple factors. The first factor, according to the CDC, is that many infants are getting older, making them no longer infants.
"I tried to feed some formula to my 10-year-old," says one frustrated mother. "But he kept saying "mom, what the hell, get off me. Just let me eat my spaghetti, please, you're embarrassing me." I just don't know what to do. I have all this fucking baby formula just sitting in my house and no one to drink it."
Other issues contributing to the shortage include men being too feminine, infertility due to the rising popularity of Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew, and the supply chain.
"Yeah, I'm not really sure how the supply chain is affecting the infant shortage," FDA commission Robert M. Califf said. "But apparently, yeah, that's somehow the cause. I know, it baffles me too."
CVS, Walgreens, and other pharmacies are now offering incentives to push baby formula and get rid of their extra stock.
"The formula is going to go bad if it just sits on the shelf," a Wallgreens representative says. "So if you come to a Wallgreens, have sex in the back of the store, and actually produce a child, we'll pay you!"
CVS is also launching an Infant Creation Program, in which people will be paid for making babies through store credit.
"We're going to get this balance right one day," the CDC said. "But until then, we've got a lot of baby formula to unload."