Biden Offers A Trade With Russia To Leave Ukraine And Take New Jersey

3/29/2022 by Morgan Lyons

WASHINGTON—President Biden announced today that he is in talks with NATO about offering a potential peace deal that will end the Russian war in Ukraine. “We want to bring this war to an end. We are prepared to offer the state of New Jersey as a substitute for Ukraine.” The President continued by saying “We really don’t have a need for New Jersey. New York has better BECs anyways. We have created a small encampment next to the Eagles stadium for Southern New Jersey refugees." It is rumored that Putin is enticed by the offer, as the desolate highway culture of the garden state reminds him of a gray and bleak urban Russia.