Build Dick Pic Market Value by Making It an NFT

6/1/2021 by Janice Peabody

Listen up, gents. We’ve been flooding the dick pic market for decades. We’re supplyin’ but the ladies aren’t demandin’… for whatever reason. 

But now with the newest blockchain—or should I say “cockchain”—technology, you can turn your very own Vienna sausage photoshoots into cold, hard (Bit)coin. Or Ethereum tokens or some shit, I don’t know. Just take some snapshots of that schlong. 

Once you get that totally poggers pic, prepare to build your blockchain. Or better yet, hire your friend “Wilson the Software Engineer” to do it for you. Let the tapes roll while he explains how it works after a few hits from the dab pen; you both will need to get into podcasting as a backup plan. 

The last step is to find your audience. Get connected with the crowd that has been waiting for your meaty glo worm to hit the market. Don’t be afraid to reach out to former gym teachers, that lifeguard from summer camp, and your recently-divorced neighbor, who still hasn’t commented on the Tesla bumper sticker you popped on the back of your Civic 3 weeks ago. 

Above all, remember that NFT’s are only valuable if people are talking about them. So dust off those aggressive sales tactics you learned from selling Cutco, and put yourself out there, champ.