WHO Urges Environmentally Conscious Individuals to Recycle Microplastics By Gathering Them In The Kidneys

4/20/2022 by Caleb Townsend

Did you know the average American eats one credit card a week? No, I’m not talking about your cousin who got fired from My Strange Addictions for “being too bizarre to exploit.” I’m talking about Microplastics. 

Microplastics are in everything, from food and water to even beer. Yes, beer. Still, it’s important to do your part, which is why the WHO is urging those who consume microplastics to do their part to recycle by gathering the plastic shards in your kidneys. 

For those who still have both, the kidneys can be a great way to ensure that damaging plastics aren’t going back into the ecosystem. They do this by using osmosis to spread the plastic to various parts of your body. Missing teeth? Plastics will slowly populate your enamel and let shiny new plastic teeth grow in their place. Tired of using condoms? Plastics will block your sperm production, ensuring you can have sex with a clean conscience. 

These steps are the first and last prongs of a one-point-plan from the government to fight the scourge of microplastics. After all, cutting plastic out of our lives simply isn’t realistic. But your individual actions will surely put a dent in the problem, and in the end, that’s probably enough to offset the issue.