From Incel to Excel: How I Landed an HR Job at My Local Women’s Shoe Outlet

5/24/2021 by Janice Peabody

I’m surprised the place was functioning without me, a hot-blooded male who lied about being able to lift 50 pounds on the application questionnaire. The classic Wristcel predicament. But, hey, it’s not like the Stacy’s could keep this place running forever. Also, how the fuck does this many types of shoes exist, and why do none of them have velcro?

My Excel experience really did land me this job; the program keeps my daily life organized. I keep track of everything from the number of times I masturbate to Sarah Palin daily to the number of Spaghettios cans I eat in a week. Not the number of lib-cucks I can redpill each month. That last number is still zero, as they seem to think femoids are actual people, but I remain optimistic. 

However, the main reason I took this job is that females now actually have to talk to me. I’ve hired several of them since I’ve started, and I know they’re looking forward to their first day. I’ve been reading The Game, and I’m confident the pickup lines I tried on them will have them begging to spend the night in my gamer cave. The light-up, rainbow keyboard and resin-filled bong will really seal the deal.