Game-Changer? New Company Will Hire Large Men to Beat Up Your Dad
7/15/2021 by Nathan Kamal
Wow, looks like there’s a new disruptor on the scene! True geniuses know every marketplace has niches, and every niche is just a demand waiting to be filled. And what better niche to fill than maladjusted men with daddy issues? Well, BeatDad fills that niche! With BeatDad, you can hire large, silent men to beat up your dad and make you feel good about yourself for once!
Ever wanted to get back at your old man? Remember how he always said you wouldn’t amount to anything? Remember how you were never able to convince yourself he was proud of you, even when he said the words? How it felt like Mom was pressuring him to do so, and it just rang hollow? Beatdad allows you to easily enter your dad’s location! You can also comb through an array of men, named things like “Big Arnold” and Cleats” and choose how many you want to beat up your dad. Experience a customized experience with an app that will honor any special requests you have, like “work the gut”, or “don’t stop until he says I love you.” Through the power of innovation, your lifelong dream of beating up your dad is happening.
You’ll show him. You’ll show everybody!
But especially your dad.
BeatDad is a company of bold innovators. They know you don’t have the guts, muscle tone, or basic ability to form a fist to take down the man who once told you that dressing up like Scott Pilgrim for Halloween was “some weird softboy stuff.” That’s why BeatDad is for you and every bro like you, who has suppressed a rage towards their father for so many years that it burns in them like a patricidal furnace. BeatDad harnesses all that rage into an easy and downloadable App compatible with iPhone, Android, and Galaxy phones.
Free trial for 3 days. Easy recurring monthly billing after that.
All it takes is a very reasonable sum, and you can be rid of the entire “wellness” industry that makes you go to therapy and expensive ketamine treatments. Big Wellness wants you to think that all your problems can’t be solved by having a few guys with rough pasts teach your dad a lesson or two about respecting grown men. Who needs a spa? Who needs weekend retreats to get in touch with inner peace? Well, guess who needs a knuckle sandwich?
It’s your dad.
And he’s going to get his game changed up real good.