A Win For Men? These Scientists Are Painting Hotrod Flames On Sperm Cells

2/5/2022 by Brandon Puff

Geneticists at The University Of Texas have stunned the scientific community by going above and beyond with their research and finding a way to add hotrod flames to sperm cells.

Doctor Randall Thunderbuck, the lead researcher on the project, spoke out about what inspired him to begin work on such a profound project.

“Anytime I looked at sperm cells under a microscope, I always felt that they were lacking something. I thought back to when I was a sperm cell and tried to imagine what would have made me feel complete at that time in my life. Then I looked outside the window and saw my friend driving around the school parking lot in a bright green Camaro with hotrod flames and I knew what I had to do.”

Thunderbuck also discussed some of the potential benefits that could come from this research.

“What we’re doing here is using countless years of knowledge and mountains worth of funding to paint hotrod flames on these sperm cells. This might be one of the greatest achievements of modern science. What are the potential outcomes? Endless. Once we master hotrod flames we could start painting skulls on them or even lightning bolts. Every last one of these sperms will look so cool that eggs will be getting fertilized at record rates. This could save humanity.”

While some liberally corrupted scientists say this is a waste of funding, the true scholars of genetics know that this could be the greatest breakthrough since the mapping of the human genome.