Guide To Drinking: How To Stay Classy Even Though You Just Pissed Your Pants

12/14/2021 by Brandon Puff

Having your pants soaked in warm piss doesn’t have to be the end of a fun night, with this sleek and informative guide we’re going to show you how to keep the party going after your bladder was uncontrollably flowing. 

Remain Calm & Confident

The worst thing you can do after pissing your pants is to panic and shy away from the fact that your trousers are soaked in that bitter yellow broth. Instead of being embarrassed and trying to hide what just happened, make sure to smile instead.

You pissed your pants, it happens, you’re not ashamed. In fact, the piss soaking into the fabric of your slacks is a mark of pride. It’s proof that you took your night out seriously and are enjoying the rewards of your fun. 

Act Like This Was All Part Of The Plan

If you’re still sitting at the bar with urine trickling down your leg, you might be approached by someone trying to inform you of the current predicament you’re in. Tell them to relax, show them you’re not worrying about it. Explain to them in a clear voice how this was all part of the plan, this is a typical Friday night and you’re having one hell of a time. If you do it right, they might piss their pants too just to be part of the fun.

Make It A Part Of Your Personal Brand

Once you’ve established that you’re confident as you are and that this is part of a broader system of beliefs you hold, it’s time to focus on branding. People piss their pants all the time, but you’re going to be THAT guy who pisses his pants. You’re going to walk into bars and have people turning heads so they can look down at your pants and see that iconic piss patch.

No longer will anyone be able to insult you or tell you to stop drinking for the night. They’ll respect you, they’ll imitate you, but they’ll never be as groundbreaking as you when you bravely piss yourself every night. 

Order Another Drink

Piss isn’t enough to stop a visionary like yourself, it emboldens you. Wave the bartender down, order your favorite drink and finish it like the piss soaked champion you are. God Bless America.