LIFE HACK: Assert Your Dominance at the Pool by Pissing in It

When you’re at a public swimming pool, you’re surrounded by savages. Those places are nothing more than a swamp for the wicked and the criminal. They seek to do nothing but push you to the depths of the water and leave you there crying and begging for mercy.

There is only one way to assert your dominance in a place such as this. You know it, I know it, and soon everyone at the pool will know it and fear it. The next time you find yourself scared and unsure of what to do at the public swimming pool, you simply need to enter in slowly, without a single ounce of fright in your eyes. Wade gently into the most crowded section of the pool and let your bladder empty slowly and confidently. Look people in the eyes as your golden napalm brushes against their legs. 

The lifeguards may ask you to leave. The people may jump from the pool in disgust, but you will forever be known as the man brave enough to piss in front of them all. You will be feared and respected like you deserve.